last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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