my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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