Umm I'm too high to move.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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