God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
