Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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