she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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