anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
