you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
