You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
