if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
