i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
