Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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