So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
