My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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