The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
