She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
