Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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