dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
