Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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