My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
