The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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