Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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