Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize