My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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