I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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