She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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