No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
