the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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