Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
