why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
