Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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