I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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