i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
