I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
