I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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