Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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