I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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