Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize