it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
40s are totally the cure
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
