one might say we're banned from that church
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
