I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
