Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
