I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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