Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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