So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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