I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
