Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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