So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
