Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
