i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
