The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
