i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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