$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
