pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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