I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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