My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
