My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
