Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
