Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
