Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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