I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
