WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
