i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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