I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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