Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
