I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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