i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
