Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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