Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
