PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
