your room smells of hookers.
And success
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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